What do I do?

I've never really blogged before... I guess I'll share a free-verse poem I wrote for a CA III assignment to tell you more about me.

Christina, if you're reading this, I hope you understand a bit more...


I am Sarah, lost in a world going by too fast for me to keep up.


A world that doesn't understand me.


I feel rushed and overwhelmed, trying to keep up with life as it is. I feel time is my ENEMY.


I feel pushed aside because I don't think like most others, because I am not like everyone else.


Because I am a nonconformist.


Because I am creative.


Obsessive.


Flighty, unable to keep my mind focused.


I am MISUNDERSTOOD.


When most people go out and party, I prefer sitting at home, reading, writing, playing video


games, or watching movies.


Intimidated; scared of the world and its people.


Paranoid; afraid I will wake up one day, and my family will be gone. I am afraid of being


ALONE, of being ABANDONED, LEFT BEHIND by those I had GIVEN my heart to.


Afraid of rejection.


I trust people, sometimes too much.


When I trust, I place my heart in your hands, and that leaves me vulnerable. I am easily hurt,


but good at masking my pain behind a happy-go-lucky FACADE.


I am an ESCAPIST, trying to get away from the hate and pain in the real world.


Indecisive, unable to even make a simple decision without thinking about it for at least a few


minutes.


Water is always moving, changing, like me. There are so many types of water. Liquid, ice, rain,


clouds, salt, groundwater... Quick to change emotions. Calm one moment, and raging the next.


Pisces.


I pick up on other's FEELINGS, and oftentimes end up in the same mood. When I get


OVERWHELMED by those excess feelings or from trying to meet EXPECTATIONS of society, I 


let my feelings guide my fingers across the keyboard, typing up stories.


I speak my thoughts, unless I don't know what my thoughts tell me.


I am a Story teller.


Writer and reader.


Artist and dreamer.


I am a FOLLOWER, but I don't follow just to follow. I question a lot, when most followers wouldn't


question at all.


I am curious, eager to learn new things.


I am an Omega; the Alpha wolf without aggression. I make sure my friends, my 'pack', are


happy, and help them if they're not. I try to help those who need it, because their pain hurts


me.


I want everyone to know peace, not hate or war.


Dedicated.


Deep thinker.


Imaginative.


I believe what others don't. Sometimes that isn't a good thing.


I think about what most others wouldn't even spare a second to think about. I ponder the world and its


creatures.


I am easily amused.


Naive.


Quick thinker.


I am a daughter.


A sister.


A friend.


And a student.


So, who am I?


...I am Sarah. And this is what makes me who I am.




It doesn't really explain my own thoughts, but it does tell about my character...I think...

I have voices in my head. Part-time muses, full-time pains-in-the-ass. I used to hear more, but after Christina moved, they got quiet. Now I have at least 3: the twins, Sylvia and Kailyn, and the Feral, Kuga. And I talk to them, sometimes out loud (I get a lot of strange looks, but my friends and boyfriend are used to it, and don't comment on it).

...I feel they are just magnified parts of my own personality. Kai has the quiet, thoughtful, Omega side of me. Sylv is the opposite, the one who demands attention, is a leader, likes the spotlight, etc. And Kuga is the part that wants to be alone and is easily angered. But, I can see parts of them that I don't have, like the willingness to fight. I will only fight if my family or friends are in trouble, or if it is unavoidable. I just argue a lot.


I started writing an X-Men fanfic after watching the 2nd, 3rd, and X-Men Origins: Wolverine a few weeks ago. I'd already watched them, but... what can I say?

I'll post later, possibly tonight. I need to get a schedule of some sort... XP

thoughts...

I was reading Christina's blog again, and, well... I started thinking. I was gonna post this as a comment, but it got too long... so i'm posting it here. and then some...

I didn't know how much i hurt you. I've told you that earlier. but, for you to hunt down that bastard, even after i didn't talk to you for months... to torture him... i'm...surprised you would go through such measures just for me.

If you were the one who was killed, i'd hunt him down. can't say i'd torture him (that's not who i am), but I'd make him hurt. I'd make him feel just a portion of the pain i'd feel. Christina, you're the person who got the closest to me. you understand me better than most anyone else.

I couldn't kill every person though. you probably already knew that, though. Given enough reason, i'd definitely kill someone though. people don't realize how much anger i hide from others.

That got me thinking... if i lost someone as close to me as Christina, or even my family... what would i do? What could i do? I would probably be so far in depression i wouldn't be able to function properly in society... I would be able to hunt down the bastards that made me lose them, but after that... I would probably need some one to give me a reason to live. I'd need someone to keep me going.

I would stay home all day, mourning the lose of the people closest to me. They wouldn't want me to do that, but... well, that's what i'd do. I'm too coward to take my life.

Welp, that's (truly) all i have to say tonight. Other than the fact I probably won't update every day, or every few days. I have only one computer i can get on, and an e-reader. the computer is usually used by my mum and dad, so... yeah...

I'm going to bed.

Hey, all.  This is Peace's new blog, however she is choosing to use her real name, Sarah.

I(as you can see) am not Sarah.  this is me Christinasphinx testing out her new blog, seeing as i set it up for her.

woo.

Edit: 8:46 pm

Hey! I'm Peace, aka: Sarah. Either or, really...

Um... I just wrote a poem. Hold on... Here it is...

Caged and mapped

I feel so trapped

Always chained

Always strained

Never left to be unbound.

Broken spirit, fly away

Fly free if you may

I let you go

And now you know

I cannot help those hounds

I watch you fly

Fly so high

I want to see

I want to be

I dream of your precious name

I’m stuck, I’m stuck

Stuck, stuck, in this muck

I want to scream

I have to flee

It will always be the same

I try to write

I try to fight

My binds are tightened

I feel so frightened

Why can’t they see my pain?

I don’t know

How far to go?

How far to trust?

I can’t, but I must

But they only cause me hurt

I can’t heal

I can’t feel

I hear whispers

Where are my sisters?

They let them go, I’m stuck in the dirt

I have to study

The walls seem bloody

With the shards of my dreams

Nothing is what it seems

I don’t have the freedom I want

I just want slack

I can’t go back

To life the way it was

Before the work became a buzz

And they just seem to taunt

I’m free, but I’m not

I can’t do what I want

I want to write and read

But, then I won’t succeed

Not when school gets in the way

If I read and write

Try hard as I might

I’ll get in trouble

Left in the muddle

Of emotions unknown to many

I want to pass

I won’t be last!

I will find time

To get to the finish line

And I will be able to do what I want

I will study

‘Cause the skies are sunny

The dark clouds disappear

My hopes are still here

And no longer do those binding chains taunt

...Turned out different than how I thought it would... Well, I'm gonna go. I don't have anything to say at the moment...